When I was 3 years old my mom took me to the doctor and he used that word "Obese"! For years that word has followed behind me, as a shadow as a voice not sure but it is always learking.
In 1978 the only solution the doctor had for me was the second word that has been the arch enemy of my 33 years "Diet". My mom to this day always wishes she told that doctor wear to stick it but instead it began. I made a decision as a little girl that I was not whole, that something was wrong with me. That somehow because of how I looked I was a disapointment.
I know now that was a beginning of a secret vow that I made.
A couple years later I was about 5 years old, I was born with feet that turned in slightly so I had to go back to "THE DOCTOR" I had to be fitted for a bar. This was a torture device that apparntley was to help straighten my feet. I remember being in the office and they were moving my feet around and checking things out. My younger sister had the same problem and they fitted her no problem, but for some reason they had to mention in front of me that my problem was not genetic but beacuse I was.... here is comes...."Obese". I AM FIVE years old. None the less I staightened up.
Why do I share this on the top of my first ever blog...... I think I just needed to get it out maybe just know it's out there. I am hoping this will help others out there with any issue with food wether it be over eating or not eating enough. Or if your a parent with a child with the issue and you just can't relate.
I have started the Utlimate Life Challenge not just for me but for anyone who just needs to vent and maybe have a place where they would never share this with anyone.... or maybe just help you realize that your life ain't so bad and you can say check out this chick she is really messed up.
My Ultimate Life Challenge for myself is to not only loose 130 pounds but to finally conquer the addiction that has consumed me for 30 years.
Today is the best moment, not tomorrow not yesterday!
What's your Ultimate Life Challenge
2 comments:
wow! this is so great! I need to lose 30 pounds myself and always struggled cuz I didn't look like my size 2 sisters...it's amazing what that does to you!
so happy to support you and see where this blog goes!
oh and welcome to the world of blogging!!!
Wow Rachel This is Great!!!!I just want you to know that I understand your struggle....As a teenager and young adult I also struggled with anorexia and bulimia....but I went in the other direction as I got so thin that the doctor wanted to hospitalize me...but what I have learned is that anorexia and bulimia both stem from the same place of emptiness...one tries to feed the emptiness, the other tries to make it disappear....the only way to heal both of them is to give that unfulfilled place emotional nourishment and unconditional acceptance....getting your shame out in the open is a great beginning! Talk Talk Talk.....To this day I constantly moniter my eating and I know if I gain weight that means I am trying to separate my inside from my outside world and I have to sit and ask myself what exact feeling am I trying to avoid...then I try to deal with that instead..for me its usually anxiety...food has a great calming effect!...anyway blah blah blah see how much I've learned to talk!!!! I also want you to know that I never seen you as a disappointment..on the contrary I find you to be an inspiration...even now I have been struggling as whether to post my student art therapy experience on my website as I felt it would expose too much of me.....WELL NOT ANY MORE.....see constantly inspiring me...keep it up sista!
love you.. janice
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